I was an average Singaporean leading a comfortable life. My parents took care of my every need. As the only child, I attended the best schools, and had the best things my parents could afford.

It's true my mother didn't always have it easy; my parents divorced when I was young and she single-handedly brought me up amidst difficult and trying times. Yet she always wanted me to have the best she could give.

I was fortunate that I still saw my father once in a while, so in a certain sense I still had a family around me. My grandparents especially were very close to me and I really felt a deep sense of loss when my beloved grandmother passed away during my transition to adolescence.

I had been born into a warm and loving Christian home where I had been taught since young all about the Bible and the wonderful love of God.

However, I felt certain emptiness about my life; although I had many friends, I always felt melancholic and lonely. I dwelt in my world of idealism and was afraid to face the larger world outside.

Although, I went to church fairly regularly, I did not feel anything for the weekly Sunday visits. Once I left the church, I returned to my former self and my inner world, where I was the largest person in my life.

I blamed myself for not doing well in my exams and my lack of discipline to study. I had always been in the best schools and among the top; however my performance in college became worse as the days went by and I felt very fearful for the coming all-important "A" Level Exams. This was especially as more of the people around me began to cast doubts on my ability. I was even more determined to prove them wrong and do well for the exams.

After the exam results were finally released, I discovered to my horror that I had done very badly for the exams. I had managed to qualify for the university, but it was insufficient for any scholarships. In fact, I had done worse than I had ever imagined. What pained me was that people began to cast sympathetic glances at me and I felt that I was a failure. I was devastated.

One day, a close friend introduced me to a group of fellow Christians who met once a week for fellowship and the sharing of the Bible.

At first, I went along for the weekly sessions because these friends made me feel accepted. I was able to be myself and share with them my innermost thoughts and feelings. It was something I had been unable to do with other people because they had the tendency to judge me and always harp on my mistakes. Here was a group of people who not only listened to me, but also did not find fault with me, and accepted me as an individual.

I began to wonder why they were able to look beyond my physical weaknesses, and not see me as a failure. Slowly, I began to realise that these friends cared for who I was and not what I did, or what I should have been. However, I knew that even they were human and might overlook some of my faults only out of politeness. I asked myself if anyone would be willing to see beyond my weaknesses and accept me as I was.

It was then that I realised that only God would see through these faults and accept me as I was. I broke down and cried because I knew that all my life I had been searching for someone to call my friend, and yet had never found one. But the very person I was seeking for was by my side all this while. I had always known about God, but never relied on Him as a friend.

Gradually, I began to rely on God for help. I began to pray to Him earnestly. Before, my prayers had been standard routines and chores, but now they seemed so joyful. The more I prayed, the more confident I became. I no longer felt the pain of doing badly in my exams; what people said about me still hurt, but these emotions did not cripple me anymore. I was able to look to the future and not be trapped in the past.

My outlook in life has now changed. I look at things more objectively. I'm still melancholic and still experience loneliness sometimes, but I know these things are temporary, so I'm not as bothered by them as before. I still lose my temper occasionally, but the tone of my voice is not so harsh. I'm also less easily agitated and frustrated. I try to treat people better and discover that when I treat them better, it has a positive effect, and they too treat me better.

I've begun to find a purpose in life. I now realise that I've a passion for writing and a deep love for music. I want to use these talents in my future job, and to share with others the newly found meaning in my life.

The most important thing I've learnt is that it's not so much what I do, but how much I rely on God, and how close I am with Him. I've learnt to stop being inward-looking and always thinking I can do everything myself. I've realised that I can do nothing at all if I don't let Him take care of everything first.